When Your Teen Rejects Your Faith

What if you child rejects your most valuable treasure - your faith in Jesus Christ? What if one of your children say to you, “I am not like you. I don’t believe the gospel. I am not a Christian. I don’t want to submit to the Bible.” After you pick yourself up off the floor - what do you say? What do you do? One counselee said to me, “Everything I had ever seen God accomplish in my ministry and life, every theological truth that fills me with deep joy, seems to have lost it’s value. For one of my greatest joys - my child - had just tore open my heart and my faith is faltering. I am despairing, angry, and worried.”
We must not let our child’s doubts and rebellion to the Lord result in us becoming controlled by anger, worry or despair toward them. Our children must continue to see God’s glories through our life if they are going to be effectively drawn to Him (2 Cor 2:14-16). Anger, worry and despair in us as parents helps blind our children and teens to believing that our God is indeed glorious (Eph 4:26,27).

ANCHOR DEEP IN GOD & HIS WORD
When I sense one of my children struggling in their spiritual growth, I know that if I respond with anger, worry or despair, I will only further encourage their struggle. I have to first anchor in the reality of God and His Word. During these times, we, as parents, must recall to mind, again and again, that our God is in control of all the circumstances in our child’s life (Prov 21:5; Lam 3:37-38), that Christ is our greatest treasure in heaven and on earth, not our child (Ps 73:25ff), and that Christ always will work all things together for the good of those who love Him (Rom 8:28-29). If our child’s heart turns from the Lord, our hope in the Lord and His Word has not perished. Promises like 1 Timothy 4:16 can guide and sustain us, “Pay close attention to yourself and your teaching, persevere in these things; for you will insure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you.” Neither you nor I know the end of our children’s spiritual journey, but you and I have to leave the results up to God so that our choices can remain pleasing to God during major parent-child trials in life.

REACH OUT FOR GODLY HELP
I encourage parents in the thick of rebellion with children and teens to reach out for older, godly leaders in their life who can help practically navigate. Leaders who have had significant success in spiritual parenting. The Lowcountry Biblical Counseling Center offers biblical counseling to parents in such situations for this very reason. You and your child may need counsel through such a time. It may be several months or years before there is positive spiritual affirmation from your child once again that restores your own parental joy. But you must never allow anger, worry or despair to control you during this time for these only provoke your child to greater faithlessness and doubts about your God. This is because when they see someone like you, that has spent much time pursuing God and nurturing faith in Him, fall apart, it communicates that your God is not powerful enough, good enough, wise enough to be your primary source of joy and strength in life.

LET THIS TRIAL PURIFY YOUR LOVE
I am thankful that many parents have been able to remain strong through such dark times through biblical counseling. But I am even more thankful that such dark times refine such parents like fire refines gold. Parenting trials expose areas that need change in us as parents not just our children. In my own parenting journey, when I encounter challenges that tempt me to fear, anger, or discouragement over my children, I begin to seek to be more sincere in my unconditional love toward my children. I begin to spend more time with my children as a good companion. During these times I still enforce consistent consequences and give gentle reproof as necessary. I still conduct family worship times. But to all of these essential parenting tasks, I add an improved element - a greater godly example of the goodness of God in me. Such parenting trials must lead us to greater purification of our personal joy and hope in Christ and greater sincerity of love for our family.

DISPLAY HIS GLORY
We must remember that even if our children reject Christ as their only hope for true happiness, we must not let their rejection cause us to forget that He is our only hope for true happiness in life. Our children must not be the joy of our life, but only increase the joy we already have in Christ. We must let their doubtings and disobedience result in a deepening of our faith, joy, love, peace in the Lord and His Word. The results are up to God, but the choice of response belongs to us. “One sows, one water, but God causes the growth.” (1 Cor 3:5) Your child’s faith in Him, His Word and the gospel is a matter ultimately between them and God. But your personal example of these things is up to you. Your main job is to not provoke them by faithless, sinful responses, but instead provide godly discipline and instruction in the context of a positive godly example - a heart that drips with the goodness of Christ.

All this God can use to grant them repentance - the same repentance that He has graciously granted you (2 Tim 2:24-26). Remember, we were dead in our sins, but He made us alive in Christ - not as a result of our works, but His grace. May our example help display His glories to our children that we may be a drawing influence for the Lord, not a blinding influence. May God help us in the humanly impossible task of training a child to obey the Word of God out of a heart for the God of the Word.

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